Trauma Core Chapter 11, pt 1

The Brandywine Years

Welcome To Surviving With Panache!

Lessons in survival for inspiration and hope in an unsteady world. We have lived through every hard day so far! Carpe' diem! 🌻🌻🌻

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Chapter 11 Part 2

Jodina and I began 2^nd and 3^rd grades respectively. She was apprehensive for some reason, so I assured her that all would be well. We would still see each other at recess and back home after school to play or skate in the alleys. I also promised that she would continue to spend weekends at our house. I walked her to her class and gave her a big hug with a smile.

3rd Grade-snaggletooth 😉

What were those “alleys” you ask? They were the paved thoroughfares in the condo complex. With carports rather than garages, the carports let out into alleys. These were smooth concrete roads perfect for a tennis match or skating. Since we lived on an end unit, I had the advantage of being able to play on the side and back of our house. Sure, we had to keep our eyes out for cars, but the speed limit was low and the drivers were watchful for us kids, too, in keeping to the speed limit.

I had a babysitter that had a young son who needed more looking after than I. He would jump on the couches, break my toys and crayons. When I complained to his mother, I would be the one in trouble with her. She didn’t last long.

Between the end of summer and Christmas that year, my mother met a man named David and let him move in with us. It was going so well that they decided to get married just at Christmas break.   Enter Husband number 5. Our roommate Nancy moved out and moved in with her boyfriend before the nuptials took place.

It was a lovely wedding. I got to be the flower girl in a long pink velvet maxi dress. Mother wore a white bodice burgundy velvet maxi dress. There was a large reception with dancing and yummy cake. I grew exhausted and irritable after dinner. Remembering that there was a ladies room with a sitting area with comfortable chairs, I went there to hide and isolate myself from the noise.  All the planning for location, food, invitations, photographer and practice had boiled down to this.

 Jo wasn’t even there. I was so over it.

Mother, David, David’s son Ralph and I all went to Big Bear Lake for the honeymoon. We stayed in a cabin with a fireplace and played in the snow during the day. It was cold and boring to me. I missed Jo and I knew then that I would never be a snow person. Ralph was a loudmouth and constant chatter box. Looking back, I see a kid who missed his dad terribly and wanted his attention. He was also in unfamiliar territory being thrown together with a girl he didn’t even know. Yet, he was stuck with me. Subconsciously, I was finding out that I was once again on my mother’s backburner.

The Honeymoon at Big Bear Lake. With Ralph.

Around spring break of that year Jodina suddenly moved. She promised to write from wherever she ended up. It happened so fast there was no time to fret. She was gone. She did write and we kept in touch for a couple of years. Then we didn’t. My last letter was never answered.

I made new friends who moved into the neighborhood during the summer. There were four that I spent the most time with. I knew all the kids in the neighborhood and played at the park with some of them. Yet, these four became my go-to.  I preferred a smaller group.

Trying to learn how to play the Clarinet in a band class I discovered that I was petrified of practicing in a group. Plus, I just didn’t like the Clarinet. I tried the Violin, same situation.

Joining the choir, however, was fun! Mostly because before the programs we sang in, there was a speaking part I was usually chosen for. I learned the part easily and from memory would recite whatever the opening and closing salvos were. Why didn’t that petrify me? I think it was because I could somewhat control the outcome. Less chance of being embarrassed.  What’s your guess?

I was chosen as captain of the tennis team, pitcher for softball, and team captain in the classroom. I had been in ballet and tap lessons, along with learning to ice skate. Life was rolling in good stuff, and I wanted to do it all! I joined the Girl Scouts after graduating from Brownies. In those days the organization had a two-inch-thick book of life skills, etiquette and crafts or hobbies to learn, which were called Merit Badges (I think).  I made it my mission to earn as many as I could! The sash on my uniform was covered in them. The independent learning was especially attractive. We went on campouts in the mountains and on the beach. I loved those campouts. It meant breathing room away from my parents. I made a great friend named Debbie Rogers. I also had a huge crush on her slightly older brother Scott. He had a crush on me, too. How cool was that? Not as intense as Vince, but he was the first boy to get my attention since.

“Graduating” from Brownie’s with 3 Awards.

First Day of Girl Scouts-Before I discovered the Merit Badge Book!

As Navy “brats”, (just a saying for kids whose parents were in the military) they had recently returned to the US from a post in the UK. Debbie could do impressions with different accents of famous people. She was in the choir with me and had a fabulous singing voice. Scott was super cool and the softball star on the field. Their fun and lighthearted laughter was what I needed.

 And we laughed all the time, and I soaked it up like a sponge. By the end of the school year, poof! They moved to Coronado Island. It was a good half hour drive each way. Our parents had little time for that. We called one another and wrote letters but eventually our new lives without each other moved on. I was learning the art of “rolling with the circumstances”. Or so I thought.

Interestingly enough, once, while driving home with my mother from somewhere, she randomly mentioned that some teacher or administrator had told her that if she didn’t get me into professional counseling soon that I would be a juvenile delinquent in the near future. I asked her why someone would say that about me, what had I done? I was a staunch rule follower and was quite insistent in my circle of friends that they also follow the rules.

Her answer was vague and dismissive. I was not put in counseling, but her thumb over me tightened significantly.

Thank you for your time in reading my story. I hope you find hope and courage within. 🌻

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